Assertiveness for Children

Notes by Enid MacNeill, Sheffield Deptartment of Educational Psychology, adapted for Kidscape

Aims:

• to introduce children to cope with new ways of behaving which will give them strategies for coping with bullying
• to teach children to think differently about themselves by giving themselves praise and encouragement

Basic concepts:

Assertion theory is based on the premise that every individual possesses basic human rights:

• the right to be treated with respect
• the right to make mistakes and be responsible for them
• the right to refuse requests without having to feel guilty or selfish
• the right to ask for what you want (realising that the other person has the right to say 'no')
• the right to be listened to and to be taken seriously
• the right to say "I don't understand"
• the right to ask for information

There are three response styles:

• passive
• aggressive
• assertive

A passive response is to behave as if other people's rights matter more than theirs.

An aggressive response is to behave as if your rights matter than those of other people.

An assertive response is to respect themselves and others equally.

We may think that we have a basic personality type are "timid', "shy", "pushy" or "bossy". By using assertiveness skills we can work towards what we want rather than pushing others around or being a pushover. People will begin to respond to us differently too.

The thoughts we have about ourselves can help or hinder. Often we put ourselves down saying "no one will like me", "I am hopeless at this" etc. We can change this and say helpful things about ourselves instead, like "I have the right to ask for what I want", "I did OK", "It wasn't perfect but it was OK".

Download the full Assertiveness for Children leaflet or find out more about our ZAP courses

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