As a child, I always felt like I didn’t fit in or belong. I felt like I was on the outside looking in. I had only two male friends, Dean and Colin, and all my other friends were girls. Because of my friendship with many girls, this made me an easy target for the school bullies.
This was added to the fact that I was no good at playing football, or any sports which boys were encouraged to play.
The teachers didn’t understand and did very little to ever intervene with the bullying. The best advice they ever gave to me was: “Stand up and fight like a man and not a coward” which is not something you want to hear as a victim of bullying.
This bullying carried on relentlessly, and I would often find myself standing alone in the school playground, praying that the bullies would ignore me. I felt very alone and disassociated with my surroundings. Unfortunately, the bullying didn’t stop, and at the age of six years old, after a full year of bullying, I had a full nervous breakdown.
"The bullying didn’t stop, and at the age of six years old, after a full year of bullying, I had a full nervous breakdown."
My breakdown resulted in me not being able to walk for nine months and my father having to teach me how to walk. The doctor was extremely concerned about my health as he believed that I was giving up.
I would wake up in the morning unable to open my hands until I was distracted. I would eat very little. The only consolation was that I had a supportive family around me. They were always loving and I am always ever so thankful for this.
When I eventually went back to school, all my female friends became very protective and I began to rebuild my life at school. Once I moved to the Junior and Secondary Schools, I was determined that no-one would ever bully me again. And they never did. I got through this traumatic experience and felt much stronger.
Today, I have the most stunning partner. She is the most loving and creative person I have ever met in my entire life. We are an indie / electro duo who write music, and I’m also a world published fashion photographer.
I wrote Monsters From The ID because, in September 2022, I happened to be near the front window and saw a mother with her son cradled in her arms and he was sobbing. She was trying to give words of comfort saying “There, there it’ll be okay once you settle in”. This resonated with me and I felt compelled to put pen to paper and write this song about my experiences at this boy's age.
The first two lines of this song are what my mum used to say about me when she was trying to take me to school: “Two steps forward, half a dozen back”.
I kept writing and writing notes and lines in my book, passing my words to my partner, who is a lyricist, who kept passing them back to me saying “You are not bleeding enough for the song, you need to let go completely to fully exorcise the demons within”. She was right.
In January this year, I laid down my bass for the song and my partner programmed the drums and keys and began to make sense of my words. So without my partner there would be no song. When she first began to sing the vocal melody using my words, it released so much stored emotion that I burst into tears.
This song has certainly addressed my inner thoughts and demons. If this song helps anyone who is being bullied to know that they are understood, then this song will have been worth everything I was put through as a child.
I have grown stronger, but I fully understand that many people go the other way. It breaks my heart when you hear on the news that children have taken their own lives, due to cyber, parental or school bullying. All people ever truly want and need is love and a feeling of belonging.
I hope this song inspires others to never give up. You can get through this and make a beautiful life for yourself.
"I hope this song inspires others to never give up. You can get through this and make a beautiful life for yourself."
Please remember, bullies are the people who truly need help; they have problems which they are not addressing themselves. Bullies bully because 9/10 they are being bullied themselves and are deeply unhappy. Or they see in others something they wished that they possessed themselves but are too scared to show.
Today “Two steps forward, half a dozen made” is the last verse to the song. A positive outcome can be achieved. Stay strong.
You can listen to the song 'Monsters From The Id' here.