Contents of Speech given by Michele Elliott, Kidscape CEO, Childnet Conference, 25 September 2007

What do we already know about bullying?

Kidscape was the first charity in the UK to raise the issue of bullying back in 1984. The response from both the teacher’s unions and the government was that we did not have a problem and anyway bullying made a man of you. When thinking about how I would approach ‘What we already know about Bullying’, I thought about the hundreds of thousands of children and parents we have dealt with over the past 23 years, but nothing sums up the trauma and torment of sustained bullying more poignantly than the story I heard two weeks ago from the mother of Nathan Jones, aged 11.

She sat in my office talking about how Nathan was a confident, happy, fun loving boy who loved singing. Then he stated becoming aggressive, withdrawn and would retreat to his room. It turned out that boys in his class made fun of him and got the other children to laugh. They threatened him with beatings after school. He was crying and shaking when he finally told his mother about the months of bullying. She went to the Head of Year and hoped it was sorted. It wasn’t - the boys continued to harass Nathan. On the 7th of April 2005, Nathan pinned a note to his door, locked it and hanged himself. His mum later found out about Nathan running out of school, hiding in the classroom at lunch and break time, waiting for the second bus home, being stabbed with a compass, having paint thrown at him – the list goes on and on. I realised that I have probably talked to more parents of bullied children that have attempted or committed suicide than I even care to count. I also know that most bullying and most bullied children will not go this far, thank goodness.

Let me tell you about Ellie, age 13, came on one of our ZAP courses – these are free courses for severely bullied children that help them stop the bullying. She told us:

‘This gang of girls bullied me for three years. I haven’t done anything to them, but they think it is fun to call me names, not speak to me, spread nasty rumours about me and even call me at home and scream abuse down the telephone and then text me to tell me they think I’m ugly and fat. They’ve set up a ‘Make Ellie Die’ website, but I am too frightened to check. I cannot understand why they are acting this way. I never did anything to them. I hate to wake up in the morning knowing that I must go in to face them. The only time I am happy is during holidays. I cry at night, but I never told mum or dad because I go to a really good school and I didn’t want to disappoint them.’

We know at Kidscape from our retrospective research with 1000 adults who were severely bullied as children that long-term affects of bullying are frightening:

40% said bullying affected their further education
46% said they contemplated suicide
21% tried to commit suicide
65% still felt angry, frustrated and bitter about what happened

Also, most could still name their bullies, even 30 years later!

We surveyed 100 Young Offenders in YO institutes and found that:

95% had been bullies or part of a bully gang while in school

We directly asked 1000 severely bullied children, who are in school now and have attended our free anti-bullying assertiveness courses how bullying affected them:

50% were truant from school because of bullying
50% had thought about or attempted suicide
85% felt bad and unconfident

And so the misery goes on. And cyberbullying has only increased the intimidation of bullied children, but the rest of this conference with address that issue.

What do we already know about bullying?

It destroys a child’s soul
It leads to medical complaints, failure in education, low self esteem
It affects the whole family
It plagues teachers and other professionals in their workplaces
It stops education
It teaches children who bully and are not stopped that this is how they should act in life
It teaches children who are bullied that they are worthless

I might add here that we find at Kidscape that the kids who are bullied are often the nicest, kindest, most talented kids, as well as those who have learning difficulties, but they all feel it that the bullying is their fault.

And one thing we know from our years and years of work in this field is that bullying is not the fault of the victim or target, as we sometimes call them. Bullying is the fault of the bully and may be the fault of the family of the bully. Yes, we are sorry for the bullies and want to help them change their behaviour, but we have learned two broad truths:

Victims should not be isolated ‘for their own good’ or blamed for being targeted. That means not asking them to eat lunch alone or hid in the library while the bullies roam free. That only reinforces the idea they have done something wrong
Children who bully desperately need limits and consequences to their actions or they end up, as 30 years of research by Dan Olweus shows, 3 to 4 times more likely to be put in prison than the general population

So we do neither the bullies nor victims any good by not stopping bullying. Kidscape advocates Zero Tolerance

There is hope. Prevention programmes for schools bring down bullying by 80% according to anonymous surveys of the pupils

ZAP courses for bullied children stop or dramatically reduce bullying in over 90% of cases.

We know that combining technology with bullying has opened up a whole new world of torment and that we welcome the superb work of Childnet. Their work means that the scourge of cyberbullying will now be highlighted and ways to stop both pupils and teachers being targeted will be put into place.

We know that bullying thrives in secrecy and that the many charities and the DCSF taking it on and opening it up means things can only get better. Current research by excellent people like Peter Smith will chart those changes.

The encouraging fact is that, if we tackle bullying early and with determination, it can be stopped.

Just to give you a little positive note, here is an excerpt from a letter that Ellie’s mum wrote to us after the ZAP course.

“I’m writing to express my heartfelt thanks. Ellie was absolutely skipping down the road when we left after the most positive and fabulous course. Since coming to Kidscape, Ellie has begun to smile, laugh and even sing again. When one of the bullies confronted her, Ellie looked her in the eye and said ‘If you were a nicer person I might feel like being your friend’. Then she walked away! How’s that for a result?

If you ever wonder if your work is worthwhile, I’m here to tell you that you saved our child’s life and we can never thank you enough.” That is a message for all of us working with children – all our work is worthwhile.

And finally what do we know about bullying? From the children who come on our courses, we know that they are angry and this is what they tell us they would really like to do to the bullies:

Voodoo
Bear traps in the playground
Heat seeking missiles
Black belt Karate
Cyanide
Drowning
Automatic weapons
Contract killers

And they are not kidding! What we already know about bullying is that it is vital to stop it – it ruins lives.

Thank you

...helping to prevent bullying and child abuse 1985 - 2008

Cyber Bullying & Online Safety

Contents of Speech given by Michele Elliott, Kidscape CEO, Childnet Conference, 25 September 2007

What do we already know about bullying?